How Becoming A Gunsmith Makes You A Better Husband

Or, How To Convince Your Wife That Buying More Tools And Firearms Is Better Than A Vacation!

DunnBy Robert Dunn 
AGI and GunTech Video Producer, 
AGI Pro Course Graduate, GCA Charter Member

In today’s firearms industry, the professional must contend with rising costs for brass and raw materials, frightened or disgusted looks from neighbors as you go to work or the range to test fire, political witch hunts, let alone personal safety and Murphy’s Law.

There is a way to use this turmoil to ones advantage if you have a little bit of creativity and patience. If you are reading this, you probably possess some of these qualities, unless they call you “Stubs” because of a machining accident or your shop has fist-sized holes in the pegboard and your oil mat is 15.025 % blood, 64.975 % Break Free Lubricant, and 20 % Misc. Filth.

The following list illustrates some examples of how to use your gunsmithing qualities and your nerves of steel to your advantage. Just as firearms safety is always practiced and drilled into use, use the following techniques to evolve the psychology of your significant other.

1.When the context is possible, always refer to your firearms and weapons as “tools”. Note that this technique will take time to penetrate her thinking and like many things in gunsmithing, if you rush the process your results will be less than satisfactory.

2.At regular intervals, leave a copy of American Rifleman open to the “The Armed Citizen” page. The placement of said publication is best in the bathroom, as a significant length of time can be spent in this small area. You will often find a strange metamorphosis when you are asked by your wife or significant other, “next time you go the range can I come and you can show me how to properly use one of your smaller “tools?” (if you begin to hear your weapons and firearms referred to as tools, you are making extreme progress and should be duly impressed with your success). If you are seeing results like this, in time this simple technique can actually be used to purchase handguns or even a “home defense” shotgun. Family memberships at the range can very easily be slipped in if your timing is right.

3. Use Foredom or Dremel tools to make your significant other a “cute sculpture” to exemplify how a new set of specialty bits could turn out some fine trinkets and jewelry.

4.If something breaks around the home, make a big visible production of the repair of such an item and use as many tools as is imaginable (of course none of this is even needed for the small repair). An example of this may be a ceramic refrigerator magnet has been broken into a few pieces. View this as a chance to thrown the tiny item in a large vice and hold together parts with tweezers, pliers, etc. when gluing. Next you will call your wife into the shop area and casually mention that it would be much easier to fix these small treasures if you had a couple of small jewelers vises and a magnifying ocular headset. It is rare that you have an occasion to drop hints for specialty items, so these opportunities should be taken advantage of. Also make use of “a couple of” or “a few of” when referring to things of need or want. It is just like asking for a raise from your employer. Shoot for five bucks or more and you just might receive the two that you are really looking for.

5.If you are lucky enough to receive any of your money back from Tax Returns or any unexpected funds come your way, use this statement, “I think that it would be wise to invest these funds in a Mossberg shotgun or Berretta M9 for research, as these are now the chosen models for our military. Be sure to include the fact that these small R&D investments can cause your financial returns to double as our troops rotate back into civilian life and start itching for a day at the range. This theory can be applied when trying to justify the purchase of an 870 shotgun, Kimber Custom TLE II, or various models of Glock pistols. The justification here is for the Law Enforcement angle. In many ways this technique will bring about better results because every burg in America from small town to big city, to State and County has a Police Department, Sheriff or Highway Patrol as well as some Federal agencies. You will also have many other models to justify depending on department polices and such.

6.Sometimes the line “Preserving a National Treasure” or “Restoring a potential museum piece” will sway extra funds your way when in debate for the money going toward your latest finds at the local gun show or new curtains for the living room.

7.Make sure that your significant other knows how handy all types of welding systems are (acetylene, silver solder and TIG). Illustrate how various systems and accessories will save money in the long run. “We can now embrace repairs with equipment that only ASE mechanics have access to and that’s why we get raked over the coals when getting our automobiles serviced”.

Along this line of thinking that will save money in the long run, reloading equipment and a plethora of die sets can be justified. The point to be made here is the dramatic savings in the cost of ammunition. The best technique is to get the retail price of the most expensive brand of self-defense ammo and draw up a price comparison chart showing the huge savings (manufactured box of 50 cartridges $48, compared to $15 for a “highly articulated custom load” for less than half the price).

The above techniques are just a few of the ideas you can use to displace funds in your life to justify the purchase of more tools and firearms (remember that these are one and the same). If none of these suggestions work or do not fit your life style, marital status or current financial predicament, start saving your lunch money and you will achieve the same results.

These techniques are only effective when you can keep a straight face. Looking concerned or serious (the same look your retriever gets when constipated) yields even better results. Also remember that when these techniques work, do not appear to be overjoyed that your plan is working, as this could render all of your hard work useless.

Just an additional thought… When at long or painful social events, think to yourself how glad you are that you’re not straddled sideways on the floor with a flashlight looking for the safety plunger and spring that bounced off of your forehead two hours previous to your “parts hunt”!


5 Responses to How Becoming A Gunsmith Makes You A Better Husband

  1. I’ve sent flowers, I’ve bought jewelry. The only I get when I do those things is “OK, what did you do wrong this time?” Just got to love it. Great article. Good way to start my day. However, I do like away from me vacation time that is taken by my wife on a yearly basis. She goes to Florida and I “find” another new tool lying on the road during my travels.

  2. I have found that alot of your has very good advise. I have myself used seveal of your suggestions for tool and equipment procurement. Very good info. presented in a fun and humorous manner.

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